[Bruised- Jack's Mannequin]

Life's like a highway. Okay, oversimplified childish analogies bother me, so I'll stop right there. But really, the more I live and the older I get, the more I'm coming to realise that we never know what's around the next corner. I've often thought to myself, "If only I knew what next season, next year or my next relationship would hold, then I could make accurate decisions now." We'll never have a time machine, and to be honest, life wouldn't be near as interesting if we did.

You'd think that the older I got, the more I would be able to control my actions and reactions. It's simply not true, though. I've been dating for years and years but have only recently found out what heartbreak was (I was beginning to think it didn't really exist). But until now, I never knew how incredible infatuation could feel (I use the word infatuation diliberately, because I've yet to actually love and be loved, I think). I couldn't gauge my falling. I never intended for it to feel like this.

The older I get, the less wise I realise I actually am. A few of you knew me years ago when I thought I had it all figured out. But really, I know nothing. I was too scared of letting go of everything I was taught to be; that bubble had become so comfortable. But now I live and really live. I've learned to think for myself and I'm so much better for it.

I'm also learning that we're always alone. Everyone will always be alone... but we all have that in common, so I suppose, in a way, that makes us less alone. Everyone always leaves. And even if we have life-long friends, family or partners, we all change and nothing remains the same. We all leave each other in some sense or another, and I'm finally learning to breathe on my own.

I'm realising that it's okay to cry and feel and love and hurt. I used to think that if I could just keep my emotions all bottled up and deal with everything logically, that it'd all work out in the end. And it always did- but I never really felt connected to anyone else, or even myself for that matter. Now, I don't distract myself from loneliness or pain. I don't go years without crying. I'm trying to live and really live- no matter what the future holds. We'll never know, but I can't sit around and wait to find out. I want to be where I am, in the moment and quit thinking about yesterday and tomorrow. It sure was a helluva lot easier to bottle it up. But, although the bad may be worse now, the good is so much better, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. So, cheers to high rides on highways and living like today was all I had.